Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Hung out with the Grad boys last night
September 14, 2002 6:15 p.m.

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So I hung out with the Grad boys last night. They are alot of fun. ...See it's been awhile since I have hung out with people (and in this case a circle of people) who have no real direct ties to my circle of friends,...and it was really interesting to experence their comic timing.

See, in my circle our comic timing is very fast. When we are together it is almost like a race to see who can come up with the best one liner.

Examples:

"Wow! Look at her shirt! I'm so glad she's so fat so there's so much of it!"

(looking at a painting of Adam and Eve, Eve being pregnant) "How do you know it's mine?

(talking about a genetic 'disorder' which makes the woman's clit abnormally large) "What do you mean you can't find it?"

"I'm not working, so I can treat you like the bitch you are."

...But these guys are funny in an entirely different way. Part of it might be that I just hang out with guys aren't man's men. My male friends like art and film and theater, and drink liquor and wine, not beer. ...These guys, just the opposite. They are beer drinking, sports watching, hunting, and fishing type guys. I found it hysterical.

One of these guys is of course The Ceramics boy Part of me thinks he likes me, but isn't sure what to do about it. ....~smile~ he played with my head the other day. ...But one thing I realized last night was.....Paging Dr. Freud. ...he is exactly like my dad. ...and see that bothers me, because the ways in which he is like my dad....are the things which I really don't like. But...I'm digging on him, does that make sense? mean he's cute,..he has a cute smile. He's kind of shy, which is adorable because ...well, my friends aren't shy (or we atleast, they put of this very loud extorverted front to hide how introverted we all really are). I dunno. I don't know what to do. Why can't a guy persue me for a change? I mean,...why can't I have a guy I actually like persuing me for a change? Why is it that I'm always persuing them? Am I that intimidating?

Oh and this one chick (and her boyfriend) showed up at one point in the evening, and I know EXACTLY the game she is playing because I've played it myself. Girls always know when someone is interested in your male friends. ...The whole "I don't want to date my guy friends, but I was here first and if you want to date them you have to understand that, and get my approvel, therefore I'm going to play all my cards and use all my skills to show I'm supierior to you." The only difference between my playing of that game, and her playing of that game, is that I am a girl who would actrally be good enough for the guy,...the real question is, is he good enough for me? I mean, I'm not one of those dim-witted, slutty girls, that hits on any guy because she can, and expects the guy she's hitting on to put out. (these are they types of girls that hit on Bri. I do, I see these girls fawning all over him just because they want to sleep with him.) ...And ya know...maybe I might seem like that type of girl at times (especially when I'm drinking because all my sexual frustration tends to emerge.) but the truth of the matter is, that I, in fact am not,...I'm not the type of girl she thinks I am. ....And the reason I can play this game without feeling that I've judged people wrong, is because I know how rare a girl I am. I mean, how many girls out there are fun, smart, attractive, talented,...and virginal....and have never been kissed. Damnit I'm a catch and that guy better be worthy of ME!

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