Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

It's nice for a change that my worries and concerns are solely boy related.
September 22, 2002 12:20 a.m.

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I biked (on my new kick-a bike) to campus this evening. I was quite proud of myself.

Hmmm anything to write about tonight?

Oh, B stayed at my place the other night (don't get the wrong idea, he slept on the couch), and so I needed to drive him back to his place in the morning. So when I woke him, I lightly, and quickly tapped him with my finger.

Then later that day he asked what that was all about, and I without even needing a moment to think responded, "I'm afraid to touch you!!" and he asked why. And I told him how everytime (scroll past the surveys)I ask him for a hug, or go to touch him, he cringes, so I am absolutely afraid to touch him. ....I'm not exactly sure how he took it.

Oh yeah, and as ridiculous as it may sound. I have found myself thinking of T more lately. ..And for whatever reasons, I have been inclined to tell the story of my 'history' inregards to him to a few people lately.

BUT ....I am crushing on others. I mean, I am not that sad and stuck on him that I am not even considering the possiblity of others. I mean there's the ceramic boy, there's also this cute guy in my sculpture class, but I haven't quite figured out what he thinks of me, or I him. The guy who lives above me is kinda cute, and he's really nice. He looks like a tall skinny version of a young Jarad Leto. Yeah, I was talking about him with B today, and B asked if I had fucked him...my response...."Not yet".

Frickin' A, I'm the biggest catch of the Art Departemnt!

Oh...and on a T note,..There is this bar in town that is an old hollywood, underground Martini bar type place. Here, picture below.

(J, C, B, ME, and R.)

anyway, this is our bar. The bar we love, the bar we perfer. ...Now next tuesday they are having a special musical guest. There was this guy who was traveling cross country from Cali to NY to play with his band, and stopped in and performed there. I heard he was absolutely awesome (b so him). Now, on Tuesday he is traveling back though and playing again. ..So they want to pack the bar, so everyone is telling everyone. Now then, B'sformerhousemate'sgirlfriend/thegirlwhoknow'sT. works there...and Therefore...I'm imagining she has told him to go.....therefore, he might be there on Tuesday, and I am going to be there on tuesday, so there is a possiblity I might see him. ...Therefore I have to look absolutely hot. Hmmmm why does all of this seem so familar...

Anyway, I think I'm off. I have to ride back home eventually, and I'm feeling a bit hungry.....And I have Harry Potter cupcakes, though I really don't need to be eating anymore of those today.

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