Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

the ramblings of a boy crazy tipsy girl.
January 27, 2002 2:51 a.m.

Related Reading

So I went out tonight and I drank so much. I mean,...the most I drink is 2 self poured drinks, which are really weak. Tonight I had 2 of those....and I lost count on how many shots. Seriously, and I never do shots.

I'm feeling it now, but I am very coherant. I Dunno....what's it like to be drunk, I mean I don't think I can honestly say "I'm drunk". I know I feeling it alot, but ..I picture drunk as being entirely unaware of everything. I am to the point where I'm solely thinking about the the present thought at hand, and that's basicly it.

It was an interesting party though, M was there (if you know who that is) he and his nasty ass woman, (I'm so much hotter than she is!) Um...got hit on by a few people it was quite interesting. ...I mean I'm only now realizing that some people were hitting on me,..it was kinda suttle, like I had made this comment how chewing ice is a sign of sexual frustration, and I chew ice all the time, and this guy was walking by and he was all like "It's a sign of iron deficency...." and I was like.....um okay... And I mean the guy was cute, entirely my type, I wouldn't have mind talking to him,...but I think he thought I wasn't interested...who knows.

What else, Oh I got hit on by one of my girl friends....that was interesting.

Oh....and I did something I most likely shouldn't have,....I macked on the previous girl's ex boyfriend who hurt her pretty bad. .......I can't help it, I'm seriously attracted to him, he's cute...full on dresses according to my clothes fetish. Plus he's a HUGE NIN fan. Uhh. mmm. ...btw macking solely means talking. ..I mean....I was talking with him about the new NIN dvd...and a few other Trent related things because I can't talk about that with anyone else....and I was a bit tipsy,...so I was alittle flirty.....thing is with him (besides the fact that he is the ex-fiancee of a good friend of mine) ....it's a BIG sex fiend....BIG!.....Last I knew he had slept with 6 people, I'm sure it's alot more by now.. Granted...I know it could be alot worse...I know I know, and I'm not passing judgement....but when you're the ulimate virgin do you want to be with someone who has had that many prior sexual partners?

also....B and I have been kind of flirting lately. I have no idea what that's about. ...Seriously messed up. SERIOUSLY, because I have no intention of ever seeing him as anything but a brother.

Ugh,...what the hell's wrong with me...My T obcession starts to deminish and all of a sudden I'm attracted to everyone!

1. The Hot Topic boy

2. the guy I loaned my Normals cd to.

3. the NIN guy

4. The iron deficency guy.

5. The online guy

6. C's ex-boy. I've always been attracted to him to,...but due to my relationship with C,...and a few other things, he's off limits too.

I just have this adolesant desire to flirt and play...and yes I do mean PLAY, with so many people.But at the same time I'm entirely commitmant driven because I've never had that,...and I only want to play with someone I'm seriously involved with. Which means I have to pick someone. ...I just have this feeling like,....I guess it's a selfish feeling. I want every guy I'm interested in to be, as Chris rock put it, a dick in a glass jar. I mean...I don't want to give up all these possiblites. ...I mean, watch me start seeing someone, it's wrong of me to expect some of these people to be around if that doens't work out. Wait, listen to me....just because I might go out and date someone a few times, that's not a commitment, and so say I go out with the Hot Topic boy (if he ever calls,...or I ever call him) and it doesn't work out,....that doesn't mean these other people won't still be there,...Darn it I've so just confused myself. Going to bed now. P>

night yo.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

Currently Reading