Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Blessings
March 10, 2003 1:13 a.m.

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wow, everything with the Wabash boy is happening so fast, and I mean, it's not really happening fast...but it's fast for me.

He is coming down here this Friday, and I have a feeling Bri and Carrie will be meeting him.

aaah this new world is so scarey and confusing. I mean, I know it shouldn't scare me as much as it does.....but I can't help it. I'm scared he's not going to like me, or I'm not going to like him, or my being so inexperienced will make me so nervous that I will be unable to be myself, and that cause him to not like me,...or I get it out in the open, admit that it's awkward for me at the risk of seeming really lame.

And another weird thing about all this is it feels weird to not want anything. There is nothing (aside from a million cds and dvds) that I want. I have great friends, great parents, a future that doesn't seem as scarey as it should, a big show coming up, great apt. I have been so blessed lately. ...as of late I've been in bed praying every night thanking God for his blessings, and at the same praying for peace and rest because all these good things excitement so much I can't sleep.

And another thing. I was reading in my Bible last night for the first time in a while. And some of the things I was reading seemed contridictory with the God I know. I mean god has brought people in to my life that changed me for the better. Bri and all of his psychic ablities taught me such things exist and can't be ignored....and they are not evil. Marty had really led me to be proud of my sexuality, that I should be confident and proud of it, how there's nothing wrong with admiting I'm a very sexual person...not being ashamed of maturbation,...in fact being proud of it. I really don't think God's as uptight as people would like to think he is. ..Oh and if my new found beliefs and confidence were wrong...why would he be blessing me as much as he is?

Anyway, it's late, and I'm tired but I have alot of philosocrapy homework to do.

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