Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

phone calls from B
May 30, 2005 5:01 a.m.

Related Reading

I've become the person B calls when it's 3am and he's lonely and home sick. most likely because he knows he can call and I'll be wide awake.

It's kinda interesting.

He called the other night and we had this long coversation, and hour's worth, spanning many topics. He had been doing a bit of soul searching and need some advice.

We started talking about things that happened to us...and at one point we were discussing that horrible summer where everything went wrong for the both of us...and he just laughed and said..."Wow. We have been through alot together.

This is the B I used to know.

One of his AIM Alert sounds....(Back when I was in college and we were all obcessivly selecting alert sounds for one another...) is a quote from the Talented Mr. Ripley.

"The thing with Dickie, he's like the sun. He shines on your for a while and it's glorious, and then he forgets you, and it's very cold.

He gets very obcessive with his friend,....he hangs out with one person for a week, a month,...something like that,...and then...he moves on. ...now he's still your friend, and there are moments....but it is rare to click with him again just like you did that first month.

I have nights like that every once and a while, where he and I started talking and we really open up and we tell one another things that we wouldn't tell any one else. It's amazing beautiful, intense.

At one point he felt the need to brush his teeth, he said he'd call right back.

B never calls people back. I'm sure he means to...but he doesn't.

So when we hung up I figured that was that.

but then, a few minutes later he called and we talked for another hour,

That time it was mostly about sex. ..never snub blow job tips from a gay boy.

And then he called again tonight. around 2am (3 am in NY) my apt phone rang. We usually screen our calls, but if you call after midnight, we're pretty sure we want to talk to you, so we pick up.

B was taking a break from watching Sex and the City and playing Zelda. He was definately home sick. Not for the city but for his friends. He really didn't want to talk about much of anything, but I could tell he just wanted to talk and hear a familar voice. so we talked about an assortment of random things, nothing especially deep this time. and it was rather ackward, clumsy conversation, after I was on the phone with him for an hour or 2 on Thurs, than on Friday, for 2 hours, ..and really, it's not like I had all these new things to day, ...but, I knew the point of the call was not what we were talking about, but just the fact that we were talking.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

Currently Reading