nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Nightmares about being attack
November 05, 2002 1:07 a.m.


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Oh and I asked B tonight if he would be able to give me a reading because I keep having nightmares where I am being attacked....I just wondered if there is some aspect of my life that I'm worried about that is making me feel like I'm being attacked...or I'm worried if I'm being told to be on guard that I might be attacked.

I had one nightmare after I saw The Ring. In which I was being escorted against my will by some older men down a coridor of males, varing in age from late teens to upper middle age. And I was told by the all knowing voice that for my own good I better wake up.

I had one the other night where my grandfather was trying to kill me with a knife, but once I had ahold of a certain knife I was able to keep he from attacking me,...only when I had the knife.

And today I had a nightmare in which The Otep boy tried to rape me. See,...in the dream I lived next door to him, so this one day I walked over and was talking to him,...we went inside and we were watching a movie and he wanted to hold my hand, so I let him...then he wanted to sit a bit closer...and then a bit closer, leaning up againist me, and then at one point it had progessed to the point he was laying on top of me, and that's when he attemped to rape me, ...but then I somehow managed to get away (I can't remember...dream logic) and he shouted something at me that meant that was all he had ever wanted from me....and I ended up running to my house, going walking though the door,...And my house, was B's house. I don't mean I was living with B,..I mean...in the dream logic, my house WAS B's house.

Weird isn't it?


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