Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

what I want a guy to want in me.
October 09, 2002 9:57 p.m.

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So I was thinking about the entry I did last night where I was listing the qualites that I want a guy to have,...and I came to the realization that not only are those the qualities I want a guy to have, but also the qualties I want a guy to like me for.

Yes, I want a guy to find me physically attractive.

Yes I want him to find me intelligent, and want to have deep conversations with me.

And if he's somewhat into art than he would know roughly how artists think, and how I might look at things.

I want him to like that I can think for myself, and to find me funny, And want to watch films and discuss music with me. And I would want to be able to jokingly mock and tease him and have me mock and tease him.

.....I want him to be impressed by my art and respect it....but I don't want him to date me because I'm a painter. Just as I don't want someone to date me just because I'm a Christian. Or just because I like NIN. It's putting a label on me. It's a part of me, but it's not everything I am, ....these types of things can mean entirely different things if when concidered with the of the above. For example, if I was a NIN fan without a sense of humor,....I would be far to serious for my own good. And what would it say about me if I said I was a Christian, but couldn't think for myself? I would just be regergitating what I was told and not knowing for myself why I believe what I believe. And what kind of artist would I be if I couldn't mock myself, pretenious.

But the thing is,...and I learned this from the whole T situation, that when I first meet someone I go though this list and check off the qualities that have...Yeah he's cute, he's smart, he likse good music, he's an artist...but then after awhile it's no longer how good and artist he is, or how funny he is, or how smart,...it's him. So therefore....wanting them to like me for being me.

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