The Raven Girl......alpha female.
April 06, 2003 5:35 a.m.

I had what by all means should be considered a great night. ....I went out with most of the peeps again tonight, back to the 'gay' bar we went to a week ago. Got hit on all night by this cute hardcore girl....I was really flattered. No one has ever been so overtly interested in me. ....and I'm of the opinion that I've not been with the same amount of girls as I've not been with guys. ....Yeah my friends said she was trying to get swingers interested in me too. ....My friends also made a point to tell me that I was the hot unattainable girl on the dance floor than all the lesbians in the place are going to go home and masturbate thinking of (which again flattered me cause I have absolutely no confidence in my dancing....and again I am so flattered if people think I can). ...I also gave the girl a great line....B was proud of me. ....She asked me if she remembered my name would I go home with her. ...I told her "no". ...she asked "why" and I told her that it was because I had no intention of going home with anyone. I mean she was cute....I was considering it a bit....but apparently she had a woman and her interest in me was purely sexual....which we all know I'm not down with.

But what is keeping the Raven girl from sleeping?

C has been spending alot of time with Trish and this has bothered me for all while, specificly since spring break (which is the first link). C's becoming friends with Trish makes me feel backstabbed and betrayed. I don't care if my friends are friends with people I don't like....I can live, I can deal.....what makes me feel backstabbed and betrayed is the fact that she KNOWS that I can't stand her. ...And monday(and sunday actually) she ditches me to do something with her. ...I mean come ON if you have plans to do something then tell me, ....don't say you're up for hanging out when you already have plans...just freaking "Nah I can't watch the 2 towers tonight, I have plans"....I'd be like, "right on, good for you, have fun".

Grrr...but tonight when we all decided we wanted to go out she decided that she was going to go to Trish's instead...and I freaked out.....not exactly sure why...but I did....and when B and Jamie were upstairs I told C all of the above.....and she said almost nothing.....and noncholantly said she wouldn't go then. Now part of me wonders if she did actually felt bad....or if she did that to fuck with me....to make me feel guilty,...because that's how I feel. I mean it wasn't my intention for her to drop a friend (...another great line I had tonight was when C told me the original reason she didn't like Trish was because she said she thought she was after B when she's not....My response? "Oh of course she is!,.....but that's irrelavent")....I mean I should be glad. I step to my position as the alpha female and knocked that superficial bitch down a rung, cause I know she gets off at the fact that as soon as she shows up to B and C's house I leave almost immedately. ...so I should be exhalted in the "HA BITCH you tried to steal my friends, when you couldn't get B you went for C."

Yeah, I've taken why to much enjoyment out of times B has ditched her to chill with me. Like the other night he and I were going to do yoga, an right as we were about to start,..she showed up and I left....but then later I needed to get something from there house and B and I ended up talking for an hour in the kitchen leaving her alone with C and their other housemate.

See that bitch is clear as glass. She is totally using C to get to B,...and at the same time she thinks that if she can drive a wedge between C and I than she can get closer to B as well. Number 1. B considers her a fluff friend, only good for talking about fluffy things like country music and oprea...things there aren't many other people to are interested in. I can safely say I am not a fluff friend, something I don't think she realizes and in recent weeks (since he started hanging with her less) she has been over to their house almost every night, spent a considerable about of time avoiding her and hanging out with me.

Again I should be glad for reinforcing my position as alpha female,....but I feel guilty for it. True it's not something I use often...come to think of it I've never used it. Never have had to.....I guess I'm not that pocessive or insecure about my friends. I (generally) don't care why my friends are friends with..........I just have issues with being replaced by someone who I consider so beneath me.

But again this could be a ploy by C to turn herself into a victim and make me feel guilty. Ugh, this is what I get for being friends with people who are proud of being manipulative and of using others to get what they want.