Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Absolute truth and Fiona...and alittle trent, hell spin magazine.
February 14, 2003 9:33 p.m.

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I'm in such a Fiona mood lately, not exactly sure why. ...but I'm already getting away from the point.

the other day B was saying how when he writes it's kind hard for him because he is bombarded with all these different paths a charactor could take. However, when I create art it's exactly the opposite. I step back, I look at the piece,...I know what I have to do next...I do it....step back look at the piece, know what I have to do...and do it. etc. ..or there are times when I don't have to stand back, I just know what has to be done and I do it. ...I always say that I've taught myself the skills, I just have to trust myself to do it. ...He then responded that I'm my least favorite Dragonlance book, Dragons of Autumn Twilight This book is very linear...and that is how he said I paint.

But I got to thinking about it,...and I realized that when I paint...for me, what I'm doing...and the finally product....is absolute truth. ...there are no second options....for lack of a better phrase..it's all black and white, there is no gray. It's either how the piece could look, or it's not.

And as I was reading this I was reminded of an cover article with Fiona Apple I read my freshman year. ...So I looked it up and read it.

"I'm a fucking contradicting little kid most of the time, except in my songs. That's the only time I can actually focus and go, 'This is the truth about this. This is the way it is.' And then I write it down so that I can have it in my memory because as soon as I'm done"--she breaks into a laugh--"I'm going to start acting like an idiot again."

And in order to find it...I ended up reading the whole article. And what got me is that I bought that in say feb. of 2000,...and here it is Feb. 2003 and how I've changed ..and oddly enough that whole article (Go Here DAMNIT, atleast once. I had to to fight the stupid java script time and again to get the url of this specific part of the page!) just sounded like me. ..it was just bizarre.

Oh and another interesting thing I found after in the magazine (I love looking back though my old magazine and seeing things I never noticed before about artists I love)....I bought that issue of Spin solely for the Fiona article...and since it's Spin, I don't remember reading much of it before. This issue contained it's readers poll. The #1 band was NIN. ...The Best album of the year was The Fragile. At the time I bought it I was unfamiliar with all of that. I didn't become a NIN fan until that summer.

This happens alot ...I found a cover issue with the Trent ...when before had no real clue who he was..it was just in my pile of magazines to read.

anyway...think I've allowed this thought train to finish entirely...I'm gonna stop now.

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