Depression is Pneumonia
March 02, 2003 11:08 p.m.

As I was continplating such a subject I was remember what I consider to be the best put discripion of depression. I've in fact used this in other entries or even as titles of other entries. It is from the EverClear song Normal Like You and that is..."Simple minds just cannot seem to understand, you are Neuratic and depressed it doesn't mean that you are sad". I'm not sad....I mean, I am...but I'm depressed...it's a whole other level.

So I was thinking about this and I came up with the best possible way to decribe Depression...at least for me. ..I think depression can be honestly compared to Pneumonia. I believe it is something everyone has, it lies dorment most of the time, but when it flares up in can be bad, extremely bad, and in some cases deadly. Because it's always there you never know when it might flare up. Just as Walking in the rain one day can effect you horriblely, some little thing that you do every day, or some little problem that bothers you on a daily basis, something you have learned to live and deal with, but for whatever reason, on this particular day sets you off, and poof you're depressed. And what pisses you off is that you walk in the rain constantly,...you make that daily long trek across campus in the freezing rain...though the snow that is sinking in though your shoes.... ..So why is it you get sick today I mean, it's something you deal with, something that can't be changed, and you deal. so why does it effect you today? And it's not just been sad...it's a sickness. You feel tired and run down, having no energy to do anything. all you want to do is curl up and sleep and just simply not exist.

And what makes it better is having conversatings like this:

Mike: Marty told you about my run in with Travis at Eric's party last night? This guy named Travis asked me where you were. I said you weren't here because Marty didn't come home over the weekend. And he was like "Well she should of been here."

And then it comes out that it's not the Travis I was hoping it to be.

So what caused this bit of depression? I think I'm just upset that Carrie got hit on last night and I didn't. ...well I did,...but I didn't. Okay, well this guy who we saw at this one bar, and then later on at this other bar....who I considered kind cute.....had not really interested in persuning him but just thought he was kinda cute. ..When we were at the verve, just after all of our people left Carrie and Libby and I were finishing our drinks,...and he comes over and just introduces himself to her...pretty much ignoring libby and I entirely. later on that night there was this one guy who was macking on this one chick and I think he had to use the restroom and passed right by libby and I (she was attempting to teach me to play chess while carrie and mr guy were outside talking) Anyway, as he passed libby just started talking to him a bit, and right as he was turning to leave he whispered in my ear that he thought I was gorgeous,...the went to the restroom...came back and continued macking on this chick until they finally left. ....Then later after dropping Libby and I off, Carrie went back with mr guy to his place to 'watch the simpsons' or so she said.

Anyway, this seems to have gotten long, and I don't think I'm going to do anything I have to do. ...maybe I'll just go home and cry myself to sleep. Or maybe I just pop over and chill with Bri some more. ...the thing is he seems really upset. and I hate when I'm around him feeling really upset and he's upset for whatever reason. I just feel like he has more reason to be upset than I do and so I find myself hating my feelings more and concerning myself with whating him to feel better. Maybe I will go over there in a bit. Maybe I might even be able to get a hug from him tonight.