Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Another year for a new year.
December 29, 2004 11:45 p.m.

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I filled out this little questionaire last year,...I think it's time to do it again.

1.What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
This year wasn't as grounds breaking. Mainly it all has to do with sex.
1. Spoke with the NZ guy on the phone.
3. Received oral sex.
4. gave a hand job.
2. Had phone Sex.
5. had a one night stand.
6. Was fired (twice)
7. Started working a sales job.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Eh, I always say that next year I hope to have someone to kiss at midnight. ..No plans to kiss someone at midnight, but you never know, we'll see, I might.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Sort of. This girl who I was very close with up until college gave birth to a little girl (she and I drifted apart after we started college).

Also another guy in my circle of friends who I went to high school with, he and his wife just had a kid.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Sustained Happiness.

7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1. May 18th. Mr. Justin came to visit.
2. Nov. 2. G-dub is allowed the ruin the country for 4 more years.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting a new job from scratch. Something I knew nothing about, had no experience and knew no one.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't think there was anything I actually failed at this year,...though I wasn't successful. In some respects this whole year was a failure but I handled the situation the best way I knew how.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah, I had that horrible nasty thing called Scarlet Fever for a month!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
1. My 36 in TV.
2. Michael Cisco's The Tyrant.
3. Shiver in the Dark!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
1. Bill Mahur
2. Peter Jackson.
3. The NZ guy had a really great year this year! Passing his big law tests and possibly working with a very high profile client.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
George W. Bush and the American Public.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas, Bills, Movies, Shoes, Cds, Books, Food, Friends, Fun.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
1. Michael Cisco's The Tyrant.
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
3. Mr. Justin's Visit.
4. The possiblity of Mr. Hedgehoggy visiting.
5. Jones Naturals (I'm so addicted to those freaking juices!).
6. the 4th of July.
Shiver in the dark!

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2003?
1. "They" Jem
2. "Soar" Christina Aguliera
3. "Thots" Otep
4. "House of Secrets" Otep
5. "Suicide Trees" Otep
6. "Come on Closer" Jem
7. "Heaven is Wide" Garbage
8. "Completely Pleased" Semisonic
9. "Common People" William Shatner
10 "I Can't Get Behind That" William Shatner

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i happier or sadder?
Honestly, a bit happier. ..trying to find happiness, nothing is especially horrible right now.
ii. thinner or fatter?
About the same iii. richer or poorer?
Last year's response:
Well, I have more money in my bank account, and more coming in. I've gained in alot of experience and knowledge, but at the same time I lost so much that was special and valuable to me....it's really a hard call.

This year:
I have less money in my bank account but I've gained os much experience this year and met a lot of great people.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Paint. I really need to paint more.
as well as read.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work

20. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Hmmm, I don't think so.

21. How many one-night stands?
Heh,...1.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
ALIAS!!!!!!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
The American Public.

24. What was the best book you read?
Michael Cisco's The Tyrant. ..I know I haven't finished it yet but it is seriously good!

25. What was your greatest musical discoveries?
Otep. I fell in love with them again this year. I loved them before...but I sort of forgot about them, and disregarded them for awhile.

Jem. I bought her album because I liked the cover and was curious...and I just love it! LOVE IT!

25. What did you want and get?
Aside from the the material purchases, I wanted a job, I got one..but it's not great.

26. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Before Sunset
21 Grams
Reservoir Dogs.
Kill Bill Vol. 2.
The Masseuse.
40 Days and 40 Nights
The Piano

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
24, went to north Carolina with B and C.
28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More painting.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Lately I've been doing a very dressed up emo style. wearing boots and good dress shoes more frequently and my nicer clothes...the idea is that I wear this horrible uniform at work I like to get a chance to look nice.

30. What kept you sane?
Otep. Diaryland. the Nz guy. Carrie, Coffee. Becky.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jenna Jameson.
Jennifer Garner (Sydney Bristo)

31. What political issue stirred you the most?
The horrible events surrounding the election.

32. Who did you miss?
B, Travis, the nz guy. Mr. Justin.

32. Who was the best new person you met?
Mr. Justin and Mr. Hedgehotty.

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
God helps those who help themselves.
Your life is what you make it.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Poe's "That Day"

I dreamt tomorrow would have a prettier face, I dreamt tomorrow would have better things to say than, "You look like shit, what's your problem bitch? Your legs feel like sand paper you can't do anything right". Cause that day should have never taken place, this day in my life, still cannot on explain. ..why I listened in the first place, to you.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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